I knew there was a way to this man's heart, but I knew I didn't have the skills it took to arrive there. It didn't take much time to realize that upon arriving in Mequon that food was the way to Jill's father's heart. It also didn't take long to realize that Jill's father kind of hated me. He said I kind of looked like Prince and "how could anyone ever like Prince?!" I posed some practical answers but it became apparent he wasn't interested in them.
In the yellow pages catering wasn't a very big list. The main one was; Mequon Catering, and seeing as I was in Mequon, and seeing as I needed catering; Mequon Catering seemed to only make sense. When I called them and explained my situation the guy who answered said, somewhat condescendingly, "You're trying to cater your way into your girlfriend's heart? That's dumb. How big is he?" I was going to tell him the story about how he once fought a bear and won over a Ding Dong last year on a camping trip but I didn't really feel like the catering guy needed to know that.
Fred, Jill's father, loved food, but more specifically he loved food that was between 20 and 30% fat. There was a variety of flavors and types, but when it boiled down to it, I had figured out that the fat level was what counted. The catering guy said that wasn't a problem, so I made a plan:
Get so much catering food that Fred would be intoxicated by it. And then when he wants more, when he really wants more, I'll say, "I'll give you more, but only in exchange for your daughter"
It worked...except for the daughter part. She apparently just thought of us as "friends". Which is why I always gag when I think about catering food. It's gross.
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