Smoke this, it's a cell phone. Digital man. DIGITAL.

You know what I like to do when I get crazy?  Like when I've done everything else:

- kicked Chuck Norris
- did cocaine off the back off a sleeping triceratops
- gave a gorilla a noogie
- talked to a girl
- spraypaint "I'm too sexy for my pants" onto my neighbor's cat
- Watch "V for Vendetta" enough times that I actually start networking with people to overthrow the government
- prepare food for myself that doesn't just involve a toaster
- stab a knife
- ask my mom if I'm adopted again

AND

- tape bacon to my dog's backside


Once I'm done with all of that I usually am ready to take it to the next level.  I'm ready to get real.  Like real real.  The kind of real that takes brains and guts.  The kind you can't just make up, or have happen naturally.  The kind that's awesome.  That's when I break out the electronic cigarette.  That's right: I take it digital.  What?  You're smoking analog?  Like with fire?!!  Who are you? - Linkavitch Chomofsky the Caveman?  Your cigs have smoke coming out of the end of them?  That's ridiculous man.  Time to get with the time.  Smokeless cigarette or stupid cigarette.  Electric cigarette or record-player cigarette.