Store this.

Do you have Tucker GA storage issues?  If you think you do it's probably because you don't understand what it's like to live in New York City.  I have a friend who lived with my other friend in NYC and they shared a room.  It was like 10 x 10 maybe?  One had a loft bed, the other lived under it.  And then they had a desk.  That's a storage issue. 

When you HAVE to shuffle stuff onto your bed when you organize, you have a storage issue. 

Kind of reminds me of a joke by a guy Mike Birbiglia where he runs into a mouse in his apartment and is wondering who is going to have to move out because there's not enough room for the both of them. 

The thing about storage that makes no sense is the whole reality of it – which basically is you bought something that you are now paying to store.  You are paying for a relationship with something that you aren't having a relationship with and that you paid to start a relationship with.  This is very similar to child support now that I think of it.  If you want a kid, then fine.  Have one.  Live with them.  Talk to their co-parent.  Otherwise, it is one of the least rational investments ever.  It's crazy.

Zombie Law; it'll be the death of you.

Lexington isn't the friendly town you think. It has stuff going on. It has dirty, complicated, incomprehensible, legal stuff going on. It has, family law.

Yea. You heard me. Lexington family law. It's like Marshall Law but worse. It's like … … Zombie law. Yea. Chicken nuggets are to chicken as Zombie law is to family law. Make sense? You following this? If so you must be lit out of your mind.

Anyways. Everyone knows family law just deals with families and that a Lexington family law office isn't the same thing as Zombie law. At least I hope not. Although I suppose that is a bit unfair. I maybe am generalizing a bit? Maybe being zombie racist? Is there a term for this I'm overlooking? I hope so. Because if there is a better term I'd like to know it. And if there isn't I'd like someone to make it up. And then tell me about it.

Either way, if your town ever comes under zombie law I'm pretty sure it's a bad day for you. I wouldn't accept it. I'd get out. Maybe buy some video games, watch Michael Jackson's Thriller, and then take from there. Otherwise, you're probably done for. 

 

Electricity, Schmelectricity.

You know why you need electricity in Minneapolis? Because if you don't have any it will get dark. Every night. Every day of the year. This is the reason of course everyone is interested in Minneapolis want a Minneapolis electrician around. If that guy leaves, everything falls apart.

Personally I think we've become too dependent on electricity. That and the internet. I mean what happens if either one of those things leave? What do we do then? No electricity? People wouldn't know what to do with themselves. They'd be running around like hyenas. Personally I try to go without electricity every other year. It's not as hard as you think it is. And if I can do it anyone can do it. First off – move out of your house and/or apartment. Living in a house these days is like being inundated with modern thinking and all modern thinking is frantically attached to this whole electricity concept. Second do everything during the day. It won't be long before you realize that electricity is superficial. Un-needed.

Hear that Minneapolis? Turns out you don't need your Minneapolis electrician. You can just live in the street, cuddle with vagrant dogs on the cold nights, and you'll be fine. 

World's Best Dentist

Who do you think is the best dentist in the world? Like they are such a good dentist, that when you visit them you leave not even caring if you brush your teeth. Cause you had a good time. It was great. It was a blast. You loved it. You had a fine time. You don't even feel stress about it. You kind of even feel good about needles now. You sort of like them, and that's without ever doing heroin. (very hard to do)

I'd like to find this dentist, because at the moment, I don't feel particularly happy when I think of the dentist. I don't think “dentist” and then smile. But I'm open to the concept. I have a suspicion that northern CA might have a great dentist. You know one of these really rich areas. Like a San Jose dentist genius or something.

San Jose has some cash flowing through it right? There's more than one billionaire hanging out there right? Like money isn't completely in short supply. The question is though, if cash would drive the world's best dentist. Or if to perform on that level he'd have to have some more altruistic motive. If that's the case then the San Jose Dentist may not be the solution. But worth checking....

Have you ever...?

Have you ever been hit in the face with a car?

Have you ever accidentally swallowed an entire water bottle that WASN'T biodegradable?

Have you ever had your shirt fall off in the middle of an important phone interview?

Have you ever accidentally stolen a Rolls Royce from your brother-in-laws Uncle who happens to be a prominent San Jose dentist?

Have you ever visited a San Jose dentist only to realize it's the same dude who's RR you stole the week prior?

Have you ever meant to shampoo your kids dog but instead ended up Nairing it?

Have you ever found out that your online girlfriend is actually a 14 year old socially awkward kid from a suburb of Tampa Florida?

Have you ever robbed a convenience store to only realize it's actually your own kitchen?

Have you ever been drinking milk only to later realize it's thinned white paint?

Have you ever been so dizzy that when you went to walk up the stairs instead of using your feet you used your face?

Have you ever had an enlightening conversation only to realize that the other person isn't really listening to you and they are actually an old Jenn-Air refrigerator.

Have you ever bought a new moped only to get it home and realize it's a drunk chihuahua? 

  

VIOLA - The Pain is Gone!

In San Jose, like in other places, you sometimes have to go to the dentist. That's right. The San Jose Dentist. (I'm guessing...I suppose they could be called something else...)

Personally, I hate the dentist. I can say that because I have several friends who are dentists and they are all pretty universally hatable. You know those guys; nice, smart, in-shape, smooth with the ladies, etc. You know, the jerks. I hate all of those people.

Have you ever had a cavity? Like one that just hurt all the time and you couldn't wait – it was like a non-stop emergency that didn't actually threaten your life, just hurt you? And then – after hours – days – weeks – you finally get to the dentist, and then VIOLA! You're healed. It's like magic!

Yea. I've never had that happen. So...I'm not that into the whole dentist thing. I just brush my teeth and use super-glue* for sealant.

Anyways. I kind of got on a tangent. I had something to say about opening a San Jose Dentist office but got too distracted obviously. My apologies.

*the author of this post does NOT, nor anyone else he is aware of, recommend using super-glue for some sort of makeshift sealant.

Auto repair: best done with trust.

Auto repair in Boise is a lot like auto repair other places: generally painful.

People as a whole hate doing auto repair because they don't know anything about it. It might as well be black hole repair. That's why it's important to get someone that you can trust, and who will explain crap to you in a coherent and reasonable manner.

I think the real issue with most repair shops, whether for auto or anything technical like computer or the such is the inability for those who understand the issues to explain them to those who don't. There's a reason for that of course; it's hard.

Do you do anything well? Do you understand anything thoroughly? Do you constitute an expert in any field? Have you ever tried explaining something from that field to someone who doesn't understand it at all? It's hard. And it costs money if it's your business. If you own a Boise auto repair shop, you probably don't enjoy explaining to an accountant what and why they need a new oxygen sensor. Same with when my parents want an explanation on why they need a new computer. The explanation part is the worst part. I just wish they trusted me because they certainly don't understand me.

So there's the trick; find someone you trust. (no one said tricks were easy) – actually...